I have been with the man I am dating for 3 years. Like all relationships it is riddled with puzzles and complications that no one outside of us would give a sh#t about. I love him dearly, but everyone around me thinks he’s an ass. The problem with N is that he tries super hard, but rarely is the project, job, situation, cleaning, cooking, washing, scrubbing, and all other things handled or done correctly. The first few times I picked up a still dirty dish or stepped in a dribble of coffee on the floor, or a priceless object was dropped or accidentally destroyed it was sad or annoying, but I was able to look past it. Then it escalated. Slipping and shredding my knees on the floor because of a water spill that wasn’t cleaned up, multiple large egg shells in my breakfast food, my indoor cat escapes and never returns because of doors being left opened. Suddenly, the carelessness isn’t endearing. But you are in love, so you ignore the faults, point mistakes out gently and sometimes just clean up after him.
Now we are at 3 years. 3 years of accidental injuries, shards of metal in your food, two pairs of broken glasses, a nook broken on Valentines day, a whole set of broken dishes and thrown out silverware, and mounds of important paperwork destroyed, moved, lost etc.
So when I was spending the day at this beautiful river called Stickney Brook, my son in his boxers sliding down the flat rocks like a water slide, and the peaceful sound of birds chirping and the river babbling, I wasn’t exactly expecting N to turn to me while I am stacking rocks and ask me to marry him.
He was probably not expecting me to explode with laughter.
I laughed and laughed, for quite some time before I finally said “No. No, no, no, ha aha! No.”
We continued to jump on the rocks, and look around at all the beautiful trees, and watched G come screaming down the small water fall side for the 15th time until his lips turned blue and his skin became covered in little goose bumps.
On the drive home I explained my answer to N.
As much as I love him, N is not ready to be a husband, to be a father to my son. I need to see him take charge, and grow up a lot. And I will know when he is ready for that step. I have to wait until the time is right.
He asked me “When will you know when the time is right?”
I told him “When you have a ring. When you put me first, save up money, or find a family heirloom, find one in the ground, whatever! Either way, when there is an actual ring I will know you are serious.”
Where was I going with this? I’m not sure exactly. Maybe there is no point, and all I am leaving you with is a story.
Enjoy it. And, men? When you are going to propose, make sure that the woman in your life is on the same path. You might get an answer worse than laughter.