My boyfriend suffers from Celebrity face blindness. He does. And he is in denial.
For those of you who haven’t heard of face blindness, made popular by Arrested Development( Amazing show if you haven’t seen it, I highly reccommend.) Sufferers are unable to tell one face from another.
Now, my boyfriend’s face blindness is an unusual version, because he is unable to tell celebrities and people on tv or in movies apart from one another. He can’t tell at all! This might not sound like a big deal, but after 4 years together it bothers me it. It unnerves me. It grinds me down to the core!
I will be sitting on the couch, watching a movie all cuddled up with my son. My boyfriend will stick his head in and go “Is that Whoopi Goldberg?”
No, it’s not, that’s Bill Cosby. This is Ghost Dad. We told you we were watching Ghost Dad. What would Whoopi be doing in Ghost Dad?
Ooh, or Hell’s Kitchen! I will be watching Gordon Rhamsay, and my boyfriend will lean over my shoulder, whisper into my ear, and say “Is that Anothony Hopkins?”
Why. Why. WHY would Anthony Hopkins be a contestant on Hell’s kitchen?
Although it would make for an interesting season.
“Hanibal, that liver was cooked perfectly!”
One day we were driving down the road, past the co-op, the museum, and my boyfriend looks out the window and excitedly turns to me, taps on my shoulder. “Oh my god, it’s Willie Nelson!”
And I lost it. I just exploded.
“Now you listen to me, that is not Willie Nelson, that’s an old homeless lady. What would Willie Nelson be doing in our town?!? Why would he be outside the homeless shelter? Why would he be dressed like a bag lady?!?!”
I felt bad for yelling. But I had had it.
A few days later, I am at work. Like all of you, I’m sure, I’m a professional medium and Tarot Reader in my spare time. In walks this tiny kid with black hair with his family. And I recognize him instantly. It’s Atticus Shafer from The Middle. And I have the priveledge of doing a tarot reading for them. What really nice people. I will not go in to details, because confidentiality about readings is very important to me.
I am excited when I get home. I rush up the stairs, jump on to the bed, vibrating with excitement, I get a picture of Atticus up on my phone, and say “Guess who I met at work today?!?”
My boyfriend looks at the screen, his face lites up.
“You did a reading for Macauly Culkin!!!!”