One of my biggest struggles in life – Helping out everyone and anyone I can and eventually getting seriously fucked over. It is way past time for me to realize that there aren’t too many like me out there – The people who put themselves second, the people who are struggling to make ends meat and still donate, clothe and feed the homeless, broken and wounded.
I once had a guy friend who told me one of my bigger faults is seeing the beauty and love in everything and immediately trying to help – “and that’s why you get screwed over” he said, blowing smoke from his mouth.
Many years later this “friend” would lie on the witness stand in an attempt to help my ex win custody of our son instead of splitting custody. My ex who then passed away suddenly, but I digress. The entire situation was eye opening and taught me to be much more on guard.
When you live on a path of magic, you forget that others out there don’t feel the same. They don’t care about helping those in need and only reward themselves or those who they feel are “deserving”
Heck, one of my biggest struggles with the witchcraft community is the mass of fake practitioners – They don’t care about making the world a better place. They don’t care to help those who are in dire need. They only do magic to make their own lives better and usually don’t think twice about using magic as a weapon instead of a tool. Just because someone walks the path of the witch does not mean they actually care about any living thing but themselves.
The hardest person in my life to seperate from was always my mother. Between, the abuse, the insults, the irrational behaviors – I always desperately clung to the hope of having some sort of connection. I tried music, films, even approached from an angle of her interests, not mine. No such luck.
There was however one common ground – My mother spent hundreds of dollars on psychics, tarot readers, people who took photos of your eyes up close to see your future (I got a nifty photo of my eyeball out of the experience)
pet psychics, purchasing spells from online wiccans, even aura cleansers who would unblock your every obstacle for the low price of $400 an hour.
I would open my mother’s closet and find male and female candles covered in oils, or jar candles with photos of Tarot cards on the outside.
“Mom, why are practicing witchcraft?”
She would look shocked and disgusted at me, stammer about how this isn’t magic – her tarot reader or psychic guide had advised this!
I held onto that hope that this was our connection.
As I grew up and started reading cards professionally some of my mom’s psychic guides started to do exchanges with me. They were clearly impressed but I couldn’t win my mother over with my skills or knowledge. Some went on to ask to take me under their wing, but I didn’t feel ready.
Then I learned yet another hard lesson –
Just because someone walks a similar path as you (In my case, Witchcraft) does not mean they have the same goals, opinions, ethics, or understanding.
I have always been a solo practicing witch. I use magic to help those around me who ask or are in need. I put clauses (Seriously, if you are a practicing witch and have yet to add a “clause” to your magic- HIGHLY recommend) in spells that would make them inactive if it would have caused harm to a friend, family or loved one in any way because I absolutely don’t want to bring any more pain into this world, and all those tiny threads connect in bizarre and often unseen ways. I do the same type of clause in my protection spells so they aren’t suddenly set off or activated on the wrong person. And when they go off on the right people, (anyone purposely sending harm towards me, my family, animals and loved ones) BAM – Instant. You’re fucked, and most likely three times worse.
So, I think it’s time for me to go back to my magic, which while solitary, always leads me where I am needed and away from those who are dangerous for me to be around.
We all have unhealthy relationships or connection s in our lives. You, who have taken the moment to read this, also have people in your lives – those connections you absolutely need to sever- should have severed years ago, please do. Lift that weight from your shoulders and cut your chains. Stop seeking or expecting approval, love, affection, kindness from people who don’t deserve you.
Yesterday, I did something that has been brewing for 30 years. I finally severed the cord with my mother. I made it clear that if she had nothing helpful or kind to say or do, she could stay away permanently. It was hard, it was exhausting. It needed to be done.
I will leave you with one of the absolutely most important rules in Witchcraft –
“An it harm NONE – Do what ye will”
Most witches see this as golden ticket, an opportunity to do whatever they want as long as they aren’t “harming”
I view it differently. I see it as a path – a life where in every action you take, you do your absolute best to not cause pain, to not cause harm and misery. To not torment or hate, including yourself. Take a moment and pause before your actions. Go through a list in your head – Will this action/spoken or thought words/ or hell even taking the “passive” stay out of it stance hurt someone or something around me?
Will it help make things for someone, something, or the world better?
Really visualize those scales in your head, see and feel those cords and connections and see where it leads. And then, decide.