Monthly Archives: April 2017

Why is Paid Maternity/Paternity Leave so Important?

Some people out there don’t know about my son’s rough start.

When G was born early, I had luckily just started my maternity leave, hoping for a month to prepare.  G arrived less than a week later. What a surprise!! My health insurance had finally started, 3 days before.

I had to quit my job because we were then in and out of hospitals with him until G was 3 months old. G couldn’t breastfeed, and I had to stay near by to pump and care for him. Then, we had to go to Boston for a month for G’s open heart surgery, so G’s dad had to leave his job as well (What was he going to do, NOT be with his 3 month old who was having open heart surgery??) We ended up not going home until G was 5 months old.

So there we were, two brand new parents, no income, forced to drain our savings so we could be with our baby while he healed from his surgery. We lived in strangers houses or slept on cots in the parents wing of Boston Children’s Hospital if they weren’t filled. There was a group shower area to use, but I was usually too uncomfortable to use it without Alex, I didn’t even sleep in the woman’s section, at night I would sneak into the men’s cot area and curl up next to Alex. The McDonalds house had no openings and we couldn’t afford a hotel. 

DHMC had the Davids house which became our second home while in Lebanon NH, and they had food we could eat to save money (Chef Boyardi, soups, oatmeal and an insane amount of sweets, cakes and cookies donated from a local BJ Wholesale)

We lived off of food donations to the parents section at the hospital. We spent our days wandering the vast hospitals halls and wings or cuddling with G on a chair and watching hours of tv in between check ins with doctors and nurses.

This is not any easy life. Parents who put their entire lives on pause for the health of their children, they are out there. New ones every day. It is terrifying, lonely, exhausting and amplifies anxieties. The added stress of less or suddenly no income is just the match that lights the dynamite.

Paid maternity/paternity leave is extremely important and would have made a HUGE difference in our lives. This would make a difference in lives across the United States. Now is the time to catch up with all the countries that are so far ahead of us when it comes to the treatment of its citizens. Lets take care of our people who are in need and not discard them during their struggle.

It’s a dark, scary world out there. We will only survive if we all stick together.

Why Mila Kunis Telling Ashton Off Was a War Cry For Parents Everywhere

Today during my usual morning Facebook perusing I read the following article from the Huffington Post.

Click the link below to read the article

Ashton Kutcher Is Learning He Shouldn’t Reward Himself For Basic Parenting Stuff  
Mila Kunis whooping Ashton’s ass about parenting was a war cry for every parent out there struggling through those issues with their co-parent( or lack of) and those who continue to remain silent.

 Many out there fear having this conversation with their partner. 

The article struck a chord with me personally.

 Perhaps I resonate with Mila; I am also a tiny fiery dark haired woman. Perhaps its her intelligence and willingness to speak her mind on such things that should be common knowledge. Both intelligence and common knowledge seem to be lacking lately in the world.

I made the following comment on the Huffington Post article. It seems that many out there have a similar story to mine, or relate to the timidness during hard times, a choice to keep peace rather than fix an issue.

Below is the comment in full:

“Dude, its actually a big deal. Like it shouldn’t be as big a deal and is a huge part of parenting.

I used to wake every 2 hours every night to pump milk for my disabled baby who couldn’t get a latch with breastfeeding due to complications and had to use a haborman feeder.

 Often my baby would wake up right after I was finished pumping and my son’s dad expected me to also do those midnight feedings because hey why not, you happened to be already up.

I fell for it for a while. I then noticed a huge difference in the way my mother in law approached my sons dad when he woke with the baby compared to when I woke up with the baby.

If he actually got up with the baby and left the room to head downstairs, Mother in law was up in seconds to relieve him of the baby and he would crawl back into bed. If I woke up with the baby, the entire house was silent and I was left to handle it all by myself. Mind you, his family is very old fashion and truly believes that moms are supposed to raise the children and care for the entire house as well as all cooking and chores. Having a kiddo with serious disabilities and multiple surgeries, daily physical therapy etc, it takes a huge toll on you. 

Between being a nurse for my son during the day, very little sleep at night and a partner who believed that once he was home from work (he guarded a metal detector while sitting on a chair for a few hours) that clearly he needed a break from the baby and needed to go play video games and hey, why didn’t I get all the house work, laundry or dishes done while he was gone? I mean, its just a baby.

As I am sure you can tell, this relationship ended after a few years.

 Having a partner who is actually willing to be a second parent is a huge deal and needs to be normalized. I was shocked hearing from friends who’s co-parents or husbands would let them sleep through the night because being home with a child all day is exhausting and its extremely hard to accomplish full complete tasks while handling a fussy baby. People who come home from hard work, or from a grocery shop, errands etc and understand that their time away was a break from the baby and now its their turn are absolutely amazing 💖

Lets normalize that behavior.”